Pole Dancing Gone Wrong

For those of you that don’t know the real story behind how I dislocated my knee, here’s the edited version.  Those of you that are super spiritual and traditional in your thinking- this may not be for you.

At the beginning of 2009 I started reflecting seriously on the often quoted scripture “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.”  Being the ever-confident woman I am, I just KNEW I was a good thing.  But, one day I conducted an informal assessment.  In my book, a good wife cooks, cleans, makes her home a nurturing environment for her family, respects and encourages her man- along with a host of other things.  But, of the list of items I called out above, I realize that very few of them was I even adequate in.  So, a good thing I was not.

Part of the curse of being part of the Speed family is the desire to never stop learning and growing.  That sentiment kicked in real quick and I started taking baby steps to enhance the mediocre and turn it into GOOD.  Now, this is where you have to be open and kinda follow my thinking.  Since I purposed to become a “good thing” (yes, despite the statistics, male/female ratios, and constant lamenting from spiritual leaders that not every single woman will get married, I believe I will be happily married one day) I thought about this preparation process holistically.  I needed to develop the full package!  One of my many conclusions- Once I’m married, I want to keep my marriage interesting.  What better way to do that than with a pole in the bedroom?!  No, really, I’m serious.

So, I’m firm on this.  My master bedroom, in my home, with my husband, will have a stationary pole.  Now, there’s one tiny problem.  I don’t know how to work a pole!  I guess I shouldn’t credit this next piece to God.  Or, maybe I should?  The opportunity presented itself in Spring 2012 to begin pole dancing lessons (thank you Living Social).  Believe me when I tell you, pole dancing is a workout.  Especially for someone that doesn’t workout.  EVER.

Long story, short – During the fourth class, while doing a catch spin (I think that’s the name of the easiest spin out there) I lost my footing and all you heard was “POP”!  A girl turned to me alarmed and inquired, “Are you alright.”  Usually I can smile through the pain.  But as I grabbed my left knee all I could say in a small whisper was “No”.  They got me a chair and for the next 45 minutes I iced my knee (and my bruised pride).  The hobble to the car, propped on the shoulders of two classmates was hard.  But, not as difficult as driving the 10 miles to urgent care.  Nor, the attempts at flagging someone down to get an attendant with a wheelchair to help me inside.

Honestly, as it was happening and even now I see the humor in the situation.  Luckily I wasn’t as bad as the video of the heavy-set woman who attempted pole dancing in her living room and ended up laid out on the coffee table.  The nurses who wanted to know the name and location of the pole dancing class I went to (Xpose Fitness in Annapolis) because they were interested in trying it out, well that lightened the mood a bit.  Finally, telling my dad and stepmother that I was laid out on the couch for a few days because of my pole dancing mishap was priceless (just what every daddy wants to hear- his daughter is working the pole).

I haven’t given up on my desires to be my future husbands private dancer.  I’m almost to the point where I’m willing to try it again.  Considering the current state of my love life, I probably have a good amount of time to perfect this craft, which is great.  I think I’m going to need it.